23rd November 2020
Last Friday saw the end of my position at the company I worked for over the past year and a half, and it ended with a flurry of emotions. Restraining myself from boasting of my excitement about it being my final day, proved difficult. I could barely sit still, counting the hours until I could walk out the door and not look back. But I managed, and occupied my day with clearing out my desk and drawers, sending training manuals to my manager for the new hire, and finishing any business dumped on me that day.
I celebrated by finishing my day with a relaxing bubble bath, a means to wash away the emotions and stress tied to my workplace and start anew. However, after a good nights’ sleep and a productive weekend, I still found myself worrying about what needed to be done. Even today as Will and I spent our Monday together, strolling through the woods and playing in the fresh fallen snow, I couldn’t fully commit to the day. My mind wandered elsewhere, more particularly to my phone. Would I be called in? Were they swamped and needed my help with training? I’d check my phone every now and then, waiting for a text or call from my manager to ask me if I could come in.
I’m not sure when I’ll stop feeling like it’s so wrong to no be working, or rather, not sitting at my corner desk answering emails and tuning in and out of conversations. I’ll give myself a couple of weeks. Eventually, the mechanical routing I’ve built around my job will cease and a new routine will take its place. Until then, I need to lay the foundations for said new routine, and rid myself of the hallow dark circles under my eyes. Hopefully, I can form a system I can sustain for a while and move myself forwards.
